ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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