Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
