I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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