So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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