I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
