I need to stop coming to work sober
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
