How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
