I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize