A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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