I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
