accomplished twins. life is a go
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
