she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
