Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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