It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
