I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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