If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
