I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
