I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
