Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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