sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
