turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
