She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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