i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
