There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
