i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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