getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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