There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
