I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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