He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize