oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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