i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
