I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
