Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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