Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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