Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
