I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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