Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
