I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
