We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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