Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
