just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
