Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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