you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
