Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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