I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
