APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
