Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
