Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
