goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
