they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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