I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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