You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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