I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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