Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
