I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
