were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
