there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
