i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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