You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize