My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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