I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
