That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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