nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
