why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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