How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
