We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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