Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize