I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
