He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
