I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's official drugs can't kill me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
