And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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