my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
