My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
