Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
